April Spring

Boy oh boy has March been busy! It’s still pretty busy but I am hoping it will settle down soon. There have been a lot of changes at work and I have gained more responsibilities and an upcoming promotion. It’s been a little crazy but in a good way. I am happy to have some change. March has been all about the transition and also some public speaking. I avioded public speaking for so long I guess it was time for me to step up. I even admitted to my coworkers my anxiety about it and being an introvert. I have one more this week but hopefully that’ll be it for a while. Somehow my mindset set it like “whatever” and that’s a good thing.

I’m not sure what’s going on with me but I seem to have a new "spring" in my step. Perhaps it is the promotion that has boosted my spirits? Diet? Being honest? Confidence? Wisdom? I am not sure, but I am feeling better. Or maybe it’s being so busy that I don’t have time to mope around and sulk in my feelings? Whatever it is i hope it lasts for a while.

Here are a few new things going on. I am hosting a new instagram challenge with one of my #crazyinnercircle pals, @bystacydawn. The challenge idea was actually her idea. One day she asked what about mixing different animal? I thought it would be perfect as a silly doodle challenge so i asked if she would like to host a challenge together. It started today #aprilhybridoffspring and I have to say i am loving it!

Also my bright ideal challenge is underway! It started April 1 and will end April 5. So far so good.



I also just today saw a new 100 day project. It would be a project that consists of 100 consecutive days of something. Hmm...i wonder if I can stick with something like that? For me, it would be something to do with drawing or doodling but do i want to try? It starts tomorrow so i would need to start right away. Some of my thoughts include like a comic of something that happens each day - quick sketches? The expansion of adding 1 item a day to an existing work? I don’t know....

At a Loss

I am feeling defeated. I have not gained any followers in months. I have been stuck at around 740 followers and haven’t been going anywhere. I don’t want to admit that followers makes a impact on me but it does. I was on such a good roll up until now. I used to average 100 followers a month and now nothing. I’m not sure what I am doing wrong or what I was doing right but it sucks. As soon as I made a instagram tracker it all went to hell. I see it as a curse. As if I got the slightest confidence and it just got shut down like that... I think what really has me bummed is thinking it could take me somewhere. I feel like such an idiot to think it could take it somewhere.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am thankful to get even 700 followers but it’s really me with my depression, self consciousness, and self worth issues. It is a bit distorted. I am still working on myself...forever and always.

Coming Around

I completed 2 challenges this month and this time without posting daily. I think it helps and also a little less stressful. I think I have been posting once a day or every 2 days so I am still relevant. Just trying to keep going and get back in the groove.

My son decided to make his own challenge. I was really surprised because I thought he meant he was going to just draw a bunch of stuff not actually come up with a list. He created the #sillyspacechallenge. A 10 day doodle challenge.

Self Reflection

A lot has been going in this noggin of mine. There is so much going on...I've started a new diet and it has been a real challenge on my mood. I get so irritated and annoyed so easily. I feel as though I am back on those anti depressants but I am not.

At this moment, I am feeling really ashamed of myself. Yes, I am still beating myself up on things. Yes, I am still an overthinker. Yes, I am still at a loss for what I need to do. I am hoping this lifestyle change will give me more clarity and help to think more clearly.

One feeling I can't seem to shake is guilt. I feel guilty I am not a good mom, I feel guilty I am not at my full potential, I feel guilty I am letting people down, I feel guilty for letting myself hold me back, I feel guilty for letting myself feel angry, I feel guilty for being selfish, I feel guilty for not caring...and I don't know why I am this way....

3 More Completed Challenges

3 More completed challenges in the books! Wow...I made it through the 4 challenges in January. My take-aways are to be sure I am enjoying myself. 2 of the challenges were every other day so I thought I would be able to handle it. I think I just put pressure on myself. I didn't have to post everyday but I felt like I had to keep up. My favorites challenge, other than my own, was the Disney one. I had fun trying to come up with the characters in my "style." I also found I have difficulties with landscapes. It's not as intuitive for me and also utilizing all the space.

I am currently doing the magical creatures challenge mainly using my iPad Pro. I get to explore the different tools that procreate has to offer and right now I am really have fun with it. I am utilizing the background and space. Using Procreate definitely makes it easier.

I also joined the expressions challenge. This one I only plan to post after every 4 days since that is how I set up my grid. Just taking it easy. I have one other one that I may just do all the prompts at once but I haven't decide how to execute it yet. We shall see... 😏

I am still planning out my game idea and possibly do a pilot to see how it gets received. 😁

My sillydoodlenewyear

A Very Hygge January

Disney

Plateau

I think I may have reached a plateau in more ways than one. I feel like I haven't been getting much traction with followers lately and I have been feeling a bit burnt out from all the challenges I have been participating in. I kind of feel like posting my Donkey Kong tracker has become a jinx as I feared, but I need to stop thinking about that. Stop looking at the numbers!! For February, I am gonna take it more easy and limit myself to 2 challenges max. I already have one in mind and not sure if I wanna do a second one or not. We will see...

I just need to slow my roll and get back to focusing on myself. I think perhaps I will just put my own mix mesh of prompts pulling from bohoberry and other reflective prompts. I love to doodle but I think it's taking away from my self reflection.

I completed the januarybluesdrawingchallenge! 1 down 3 more to go!

More Instagram Changes

There has been a rumor going around that Instagram has changed it's algorithms again. So apparently your followers will only see 10% of your posts now and you will now have strangers popping up on your feed. I have noticed a significant decrease in likes and follows recently. I am not sure how I feel about it. It's a little discouraging but at the same time it could be a good thing? I could potentially pop up on other peoples feeds and maybe hopefully get new followers? I am not sure. I just know things have slowed down a lot. Maybe it's for the best? Perhaps this is a good time to reflect and realize I should be cherishing what I have and what really matters with using Instagram and not on getting followers.

It am also a part of a DM group message that I was luckily included in because I happen to make an impression on the leader of that group. I don't say much because I am intimidated by the others because they all have 1k+ followers and I am the little fish in the fish bowl. Their primary focus is on bullet journals and naturally that is their target audience. My account is like a hodgepodge of things...bujo spreads, comics, hand drawings, drawing challenges, digital drawings, even some lettering. My account lacks focus, however I did manage to get 700+ followers so perhaps it's not so bad? I'll have to see how this goes... 

1st Week of 2018

The first week of January, so far so good. Although I think I may be coming down with another cold again. Boo... Usually after Christmas is the after Christmas sale! My go-to place is Hallmark. They start off with 50% and then 75% after New Years. I may have gone a little over board with purchasing ornaments but I couldn't help myself!!! The one thing different from this year and years past is no Precious Moment ornaments. I am usually able to pick up 1 or 2 every year without having to go to the store when it first opens but there were absolutely none! I checked like 3 stores. Anyways that didn't really stop it though...LOL. It's extra appealing with there is only one ornament left of it's kind. I have a thing for decorating trees and also I try to pick ones that pertain to the year. For example, the boys loved the carousel ride from our cruise trip last year so I picked up a carousel ornament since it was available. Another one was a boat to symbolize the cruise trip. Thomas the Train for one of my youngest favorite books, Go Train Go! in particular.

I am participating in 4 drawing/doodling challenges this month. At first it was me and talli_fox's #sillydoodlenewyear and myartsybujo's very hygge challenge #artsydoodlechallenge, BUT then I came across the #JanuaryBlueDrawingChallenge and the Doodletimewithkaroline challenge! The January Blue hosted by @antartist incorporates an emotion and something related to the color Blue, which I found really interesting and cool. The second challenge is Disney characters hosted by @karolinepietrowski! I was so tempted to join the #cartoonmaniachallenge but I think it would be too much. Plus, I don't want to overpost...I am having so much fun with the challenges! My favorite right now is the Disney characters and our #sillydoodlenewyear!

I still need to figure out how to keep the colors consistent for my drawings. I have also been thinking that perhaps I need to add "@ideallybri" to everything should it ever be reposted or anything. It's too late to do it now but perhaps later. I am also working on my 2018 bujo, I started a Instagram tracker page but still a little weary of showing it. Yes, I have been consistently gaining followers but at the same time I feel really shy about it? Maybe I'm scared it could be a jinx or I may be too ambitious? We will see...this year is about COURAGE so maybe I will give it a go!

Happy New Year's Eve

Wow it has been one hell of a year. It started off pretty rough. I remember starting off the year being sick with the stomach bug that my youngest gave to the whole family. It was not pretty and I really hate throwing up. After that it seemed to start off fairly strong with setting up my first bullet journal and I had been seeing a psychiatrist. I had a few resolutions set up but I did not follow through on all of them except for the bullet journal thanks to all the doodling challenges I was apart of. My initial goals for 2017 was eat breakfast, take vitamins, bring lunch to work, work out, no soda and text my family members daily. The only other goal that I seemed to be a close second in finishing was bringing lunch almost everyday. the rest all went to HELL.

This year was all about rediscovering my creativity again. I always complained of not having passion for anything but I guess it was right there all along. I just didn't realize it. After that realization, things just took off. First with creating and designing my bullet journal. It was like an awakening of some sort. It was so fun. When I created my Instagram account I didn't think too much of it, but as I slowly started receiving likes and followers it motivated me to do more. It is almost addicting and a little obsessive to be honest. However, it is crazy to know that my little account has inspired others. Like whaaat!? I started receiving meaningful comments and DMs. Wow...little old me? It feels like I am making a tiny difference in the world. I made new friends and we have inside jokes. I am told my posts make them smile. I am starting to believe the compliments. I really try to spread as much positivity as well. That is sort of the beauty of Instagram, you like what you like and comment as you please. The audience are of all ages from around the world and it truly does not matter. It's the posts and the art that bond everyone together, faces, races, ethnicity, skill aren't necessary. I am so glad to be apart of the community. Perhaps I am drawn to it because there is little to no criticism but I just feel like we are all there to have fun and expose ourselves and it's nice not to have negativity. I'm not trying to be the next award winning artist or anything. What I also noticed is a lot of us started around the same time. I am not sure what caused the boom but somehow we all came coincidentally around the same time and even with similar stories. The ones I am most interactive with are moms and looking for that creative outlet. So strange but also so cool to know we are experiencing similar experiences from all over the world.

This year was also my first time taking drugs to treat my depression. I took Zoloft and it sort of helped but I hated the way it made me feel. Especially in the beginning when starting on it. I can't really remember now but it felt awful. I had decided to stop going to the doctor and also stop the meds on my own. I think stopping the meds on my own was a bad idea but it is finally out of my system. I am not sure how long it took but it took a while. I wouldn't advise doing it without consulting a doctor.

Part of the reason I stopped going to the doctor was because I felt it was getting expensive and the therapist I had to see was separate, which equals more money and time. I know this is potentially for my well being but honestly I did not click with my therapist. She was just convenient but then she eventually left the practice anyways which gave me the out. I would definitely considering seeing a therapist again but I would have to find someone I click with. AS for the psychiatrist, probably not. Drugs are not the way to go for me, however perhaps I have some ADD issue? I don't know and that's the frustration of it all. I don't wait to waste time and resources to attempt to find out what could help and make my body go through all those meds again. I really throws your hormones off. I think that could be a reason why I gained so much weight this year. I am at my heaviest ever and my clothes are really tight. I want to lose the weight but I don't have the motivation. I need to though because the longer I put it off the longer it will take to lose it. I just need to get my mind to cooperate.

This year I accomplished a lot on Instagram. Who knew social media would be a helpful tool with coping with my depression? I started a separate account in July and it has kept me going. Here are my end of the year stats going into 2018:

• 12 completed challenges: oodles of doodles (4), draw with me challenge (2), pinktober (1), dare to geometry 2 (1), my silly doodle challenge (2), artsy doodle challenge (1), and the winter doodle challenge (1).
• 2 incomplete: bohoberry challenge (September) and the simplicity gratitude challenge (November)
• 2 hosted challenges: sillydoodlechallenge - gross groceries and holiday funnies
• 2 series: monster modes and the diaper bowl
• 4 contest/contribution pieces: I'm Awesome Tee, Spread Love Not Hate, Zero Shame Zero Stigma contest entry, Comics_in_a_void contest entry 
• 2 collaborations - participant: exciety's slumber party and casualderision's holiday party
• 4 featured post by beautiful.journals 
• 2 Twitter features by bohoberry
• As of 9:09 pm - 259 posts (not including archived), 634 followers and following 862 accouts
• According to the Instagram insight, I have made 6,962 impressions and I have 21% male and 79% female followers mostly 25-24 years old
• According to 2017 best nine, 19,474 likes for my top nine posts

Sorry to bore with all the stats but if I am able to keep this up, it would be great to have something to compare it with.

This was made a few days earlier so the stats are a little off.

Happy New Year! 

I hope I have the courage this year to be strong, take risks, make moves, and be honest. All the best to everyone for great New Year! Game on 2018!

Merry Christmas!

I can't believe it is Christmas. I finally got my act together and wrapped the gifts for the kids. I feel like I had so much to do. I cranked out 2 completed challenges and still have my own and one other to go. I still haven't started on my bujo yet for 2018. Part of me is holding out because I might get one from my secret santa BUT that's not until Friday, 12/29/2017, which is really late. Should I just pick the journal now? I have 3 options....yes 3. I am obsessed!

Anyways, I also got asked last minute to be in a 21 character collaboration. I can't turn that down! So cool. As I reflect back on my Instagram account, I am so grateful for the friends I have made! They are from all over the world and to connect on this kind of level is so awesome. Through art, entertainment, humor and silliness. I feel like I have a small circle of friends and it's so cool! I also made a new pen pal! She is from Colorado and it's refreshing to actually write someone rather then being digital all the time. I am excited to write back to her!

Here is the new challenge hosted by me and Charlotte (talli_fox). She is so talented and has always participated in my challenges so I was exited to host this with her. I didn't know this before but she says Januarys are hard for her so hopefully this challenge can bring her spirits up if not for a little while.

Getting into the Holiday Spirit

I have been getting into the holiday spirit lately. I'm working on sending out our holiday cards. Not just sending it out but putting my personal touch on it. I'm doing some lettering and hopefully coming up with a fun sticker design for ideallybri. It's great but very time consuming.

I feel like there is so much I want to do and so little time, especially with kids. One of my biggest issues is balancing my time. I am really bad at it. Perhaps 2018, I can help that. I've been looking back at my year and it's pretty sad. I was looking at my list of things to do and I don't think I even checked off one. 😭 This has only been my first year with a bullet journal so at least I can look back on things to highlight my year rather than it be a big blur. My memory is terrible so that's one good thing about it. Here are some of the things that work and didn't work for me:

Some Bujo Take-aways:

• It was fun designing but I need to pay more attention to space
• I don't really need to list dailies because some days nothing is going on
• My bills list is really useful and I should have really kept using it 
• The year at-a-glance was helpful 
• I don't have an index but perhaps I should try to have one this time?
• My list of accounts and pw at the end was useful
• Possible Menstrual tracker

I have been on the hunt for "THE BUJO". "THE BUJO" itself is another motivation for me. If I love the overall bujo I will be more inclined to use it more. I picked up 2 today and I am also considering the Scribbles that Matter ones. Decisions, decisions. The first journal is from Staples. I like the embossed rose gold design and it is easy to open but the pages are lined. The second one is from Michaels. This journal is for artists. It has thicker paper and no lines (which could also be a bad thing). The Scribbles that Matter journal is very well known and used by a lot of bujo-ers. It has dotted paper which is a happy medium between lined and non-lined paper. I haven's seen the journal in person so I am not sure how durable the pages are...




Decisions, decisions.

My little one actually got me sick...He had hand, mouth, foot this whole (with a misdiagnosis from the Dr earlier in the week saying it was strep). It was a very sad, stressful, and tiring time. I think I have a cold. I'm glad I don't have what he had because I would be in so much pain. My poor lil guy!