Update: Disney Princess/Ladies Project

Note to self: Don't have too many faces in one drawing!

It is a good learning experience but such a challenge. Getting one face takes forever (i.e. my Sakura and Sasuke drawing). I don't know what i was thinking with so many faces in one! I am certainly paying for it now and it may possibly ruin all my efforts. I am not sure why but I had started coloring each of them knowing full well I wasn't satisfied with my work. Maybe I thought coloring/inking would make it look better? Some angles are so obviously uneven! I guess it is all a learning experience. 

However, for me, it helps when I take pictures of it. It helps me see it from a different angle and I can compare what worked and what didn't. In addition I had the brilliant idea to add noses to everyone, which is, in my opinion, one if the hardest  features to draw, along with eyes and lips. 

I also learned today that I should be sketching with minimal erasing. It is to help develop me as an artist and the need to learn to live with my mistakes and imperfections in order to learn to be artist. That will be definitely something I will need to get used to... 

Building Self Confident

My average Instagram likes is about 14-20 likes. My most to date so far is 43 likes. I think it has helped to keep my motivation going.

I am still all over the place with ideas and creative projects but it makes me happy. I feel like it has helped with my confidence in myself. Seeing my own progress and sharing it. I, for whatever reason, have been feeling more optimistic lately. I am even planning an adult coloring lunch session at work next week. A break from work and a time to hang out with fellow coworkers doing something simple and fun. I love group activities. Interacting with a board game is even better because laughter is sure to ensue.

Reawakening my creative outlet has made me want to spread the joy. I'll see how it goes.

Weaning off the Sertraline

I am currently off the sertraline cold turkey as of last week. Let me tell you, it has been a roller coaster. I have been dealing with constant headaches, nausea, dizziness, fatigue, anger, confusion, loss of memory, and sensitivity. It almost makes you wonder why you even tried it in the first place. I am "paying" for it now. 

I didn't actually look up the withdrawal symptoms until now (Sertraline Withdrawal Symptoms). It's good to know I am not dying from something else entirely (bright side). Many moons ago, I took prozac for a short period of time and I don't remember how long or when I got off it but I don't recall withdrawal symptoms. Then again, I am no spring chicken anymore. At least everything that I am going through makes sense now. I am not THAT crazy! 😆💫😬😤😖

To be honest, even though I struggled with a serious bout of depression, I still can't help but feel that maybe it wasn't that bad? I guess I am still trying to differentiate it. I just feel like maybe I have been depressed for a long time that I am not even sure if it really is depression? I have spent practically my whole life of low self-esteem, being emotional, overthinking, etc. Could I be delusional to think that I am not depressed but I am or I am normal and someone is telling me I am depressed? It is all very confusing.

At my low point, I just wanted something to help me be "normal." But what is "normal"? It's all relative. I went to a psychiatrist because I thought I had a mental illness (other than depression). All my life, I have felt like I have been in a state of a hazy dreamlike mindset. I am in reality but it doesn't feel like reality to me? Not sure if that makes sense. From row, row, row your boat "life but a dream" is exactly how I feel but it's hard to explain....zombielike? So lucky me....not only and I still in an never-ending dream state, now I have constant headaches, nausea, dizziness, fatigue, anger, confusion, loss of memory, and sensitivity on top of that....Grreat....😑

Upping my Photog Game

On with my next obsession - pictures!

Man everything goes hand in hand. Blogging, pictures, instagram, followers, staging, presentation! So much to learn. It truly is a good thing for me though. It keeps my mind off things and gives me new purpose and things to look forward to. I may still be all over the place but hey whatever makes me happy right?

I have been traveling down the rabbithole which we all know is Youtube. You can learn practically ANYthing through Youtube these days. My new topics of youtube tutorials  are drawing with Copic markers (I have knowoffs but still awesome) and lighting techniques for photos. I am going to try and follow a tutorial to make a box. We will see how that goes...

New Markers

I am so excited about my new purchase of my dual tip markers. I can't wait to watch some tutorials on how to use them.

It's so sad but I learned today that Linkin Park's lead singer, Chester Bennington, had committed suicide. Linkin Park is one of my favorite bands and it is so sad to learn of this news. I don't condone suicide in anyway but suffering to the point where it becomes a last resort is the sad part. He is leaving behind a lot of love ones as well as fans. Mental illness is no joke. Upon reading his bio, he has been through a lot. That being said, the fact that he got to where he was, lead of a well known band, probably contributed more to his mental illness. I have such mixed feelings about it. Yes, it is "selfish" but who are we to judge? ☹

WIP

WIP should have been easy to figure out but I had to Google it. It stands for "Work in Progress." I am still working on my Disney princesses/leading ladies project. I didn't intend to have as many faces as I am working on but I am adding in the color now. I am not that happy with a few of them but what can you do? I do not want to start over. Here's a sneak peek.

Lettering

My new obsession is lettering (as you probably saw in my staging post from yesterday). I've always loved lettering. That is one of the main reasons I got into bullet journaling. Things were pretty set in stone, there are 7 days in a week and the dates are XXX to XXX. I didn't really have to think too much about what I was doing. I just knew that I needed to create the layout with those basic elements.

I am still using my bullet journal but not as I am suppose to. It's geared more towards doodling and drawings, but that's the beauty of the bullet journal. It can be whatever you want it to be!

I swear I am such a schizo with my random inspirations. I am not sure if jumping around with so many things is a good thing. I guess it helps for me to see what I like best? I feel like I will end up being a "jack of all trades and master of none"...😑

First Staging Attempt

This is my first attempt at staging. I took a tutorial on lettering and calligraphy. They are all nice with different aspects. I can't decide which I like best. However, I did decide not to go with the last one with Ariel in it. I felt like it was too much. 

Reflections - July

I have been all over the place with my drawings based on random inspirations. As of late, it has been Disney princesses/leading women. I am in love with the art by David Gibson. His work is so incredibly cute! 😍 

I have been drawing my own princesses and it has been a challenge. I am still figuring out how to get the eyes right and also proportioning with the face. 

Sprint weeks have been put on hold. Life happens and the hubby has been busy with his job lately. Right now I am just focusing on what makes me feel inspired and happy. This is pretty much why I started this blog in the first place...dealing with everyday life and depression. Drawing has helped tremendously so far. It has helped take my mind off certain things and focus on what I enjoy. 

Of course there are hopes that this will take off somewhere but only time will tell. Seeing others like my work on Instagram is encouraging but I can't let myself get wrapped into that. It can also be very tactical, I like yours, you like mine, so follow me. Do they actually like what I do or is all this to just get more followers? Who knows... I will just believe that they like my work. 🎨

Mud and Merlot

My sister and I took a mud and Merlot🍷class today. I made a mug and plate. It was pretty fun. Another experience with a different method of art. I really had no game plan. I just did whatever I felt like. Not sure how well it will turn out but we'll have to wait about 2 weeks to see the final product.

Brush Pen

I have been experimenting with some new tools lately. I am really loving the brush pen. Just something about the brush stroke effect that makes it look so nice. 🤗🖌

Left My Cell

I forgot my cell at home today. It's so different without having my phone to check email, social media, etc. In a way it is refreshing but I am so used to using my phone it was a bit strange. We rely on our cell phone so much these days. 🤳📲

I actually prefer taking pics with my phone instead of an actual camera. 📸 The quality of the camera on the phones these days are unbelievable. It's just so convenient. If I see something that inspires me all I have to do is take a picture with my phone. Even now, I draw something and I just take a pic of it and post it. With an actual camera, I would have to load it up to a computer, transfer it, resize, etc.

Perhaps it's the laziness of it all. Instant gratification!

This is what I drew from a tutorial "How to Draw a Manga Panda Bear" by Christopher Hart.

Working Books

Last night I was tidying up my workspace at home and found a small 5.5" x 3.5" Moleskin. I have always adored miniature items. Something about it just makes it so cute.

It maybe overkill but I currently have 6 working books. 1 for work, 2 official sketch books (one large and one small), 1 for the project meetings, 1 personal bullet journal, and now my Moleskin in the mix for togo ideas and doodling. I only bring around my personal and now the mini.

You never know when inspiration strikes! (Hmm I wonder if Micheals still sell those attachable pencil pouches? It's been pretty useful.)

Staging

As I said before I have been following and looking at all the lovely staging and layouts of bullet journals. They are all so very beautiful! 🌹

It has got me thinking about what I can do with my staging. I don't have anything fancy but I am trying to think of something different and not as elegant. Not that i dont like elegant, but I have to be resourceful. Lol. 😅

Picture Game?

I've been checking out others on Instagram and perhaps I need to step up my presentation game? The pictures of their art/crafts are so beautifully staged.

I am still doing good with with my no drawing day. Now I am wondering how often I should be posting on Instagram? I have lots to share with current and previous things but how much is too much or too little? 🤔

Must Resist

My hubby called me out last night. He said I was doing too much still and warning me about my fear of burning out. Don't tell him but he's right... I really need to slow my roll. 😫

I just have so many ideas and I tend to be the type to jump right into it. Partly because I'm scared I would forget it. When inspiration strikes, I want to strike while the iron is hot🔥. The satisfaction of getting it down is the addictive part. It's nice to see the finished product and the realization that 😲Wow I did that!?

Anyways, my gameplan is no drawing today. However, I am allowing myself to color, finishing up some bujo pages that aren't finished yet, I will write down my ideas, and I will continue to look for my everyday inspirations.

I think I'll need to work on a schedule for myself...sounds like a new page of my bujo...

Simple Pleasures

As an entry in my bullet journal I created a Simple Pleasures page. I've been dealing with a recent trigger of my depression and this was what I came up to get my mine off of it.

Surprisingly it has worked! The irrational feeling I had has pretty much went away. I am pretty proud of myself for overcoming this tiny obstacle. It has also sparked a new idea for a series for my character. It sounds so cliche but thinking of simple things that make me happy has made me happy. One step at a time...

I also created an Instagram account under ideallybri. It'll be an easier way to share and post some of my drawings. It's so wonderful to find inspiration in everyday things! 

Self Confidence

My biggest issue is self confidence. It's always myself standing in my own way. It's no wonder I have depression. It has pretty much been a lifelong struggle. People can see the potential in me but I can't. I admire everyone around me except me.

Drawing has been an outlet for me but I still have a ways to go with it. The only person that can fix it is me, myself, and i and that's scary!

Surfing the Web

I've been doing my task of researching tutorials and online courses. I still have so much to learn and try. I'm not gonna lie it is pretty overwhelming.

Happy 4th

Happy 4th of July! I am thankful for the holiday but this week is going to be so messed up. I went to work on Monday and now I am off. It's very deceiving, I feel as if it's the weekend again. I sure wish it was.

Today we had our 1st meeting in our sprint 0. It was a fairly short meeting. Just need to setup the computer and software by Thursday. Research online animation tutorials and possible free classes would be my task.

Learning the Fundamentals

Here is my first attempt at sketching. I never knew you were suppose to draw multiple lines and pretty much just emphasize the one that you think is the most accurate. As you can see, I am still an amateur. There is still so much to learn...

Avoiding the Burn out

I know I go through phases and at one point I really enjoyed cake decorating. I took the classes at Michaels bought a lot of the pans, tools, frostings, cake mixes, etc. I was hoping to possibly make it into a side business but I overworked myself, mainly by making lots of cakes for free (practice). Ever since then my passion for cake decorating is gone. I still have all the equipment in hopes of one day pursuing it again but at this point remembering the exhausting nights has scared me off. Not to mention I have a family now.

I am trying to pace myself. I have this urge and excitement about this project but I am scared it will burn out. Like I said before, I tend to go through phases. I guess it's sort of like being on a diet. You commit yourself to X number of days, see results, and ultimately revert back into your previous state. It's hard to maintain a routine/habit and also to keep the excitement going. I am hoping the meetings with my hubby will help with that. If this actually pans out...I wonder if this process can translate into maintaining relationships? Of course you won't call it "launch meetings" or "sprint weeks." Haha.

To date, I have drew 57 pages of art. Holy cow!  I don't think I have ever drawn so much in one book! 

Excitement

I am so excited with this project! I have a bunch of ideas and to top it all off it's right in front of me! My oldest was complaining about being hungry this morning and I was thinking that's animation worthy. Something as simple as that.

Last night I met with my hubby for our first launch meeting. He is Mr. Businessman so he offered his expertise to keep my vision going. We came up with a journey map, made an  assessment, and scheduled my first sprint at zero. So far it seems simple enough...perform tasks, regroup, backlog ideas, evaluate, and discuss if goals are met. My goals are illustrate my life, enjoy what I'm doing, and perhaps have a children's book one day. The end goal is way way way down the line but for the time being I am enjoying myself and I just want to keep it up.

Originally I started with the idea of SBCF but as I came up with ideas it has opened the flood gates. So many possibilities! Different perspectives like my own as mom/wife, the husband/dad, kids, dogs, etc. I am really starting to like my own character and it's pretty easy to draw. Glad my hubby suggested I come up with a more simplified versions.