Mood: 😒

I'm in a weird mood today. A bit out of it and I suppose I am also getting over my cold? I am on day 6 of my two week mostly plant based Diet. It's a struggle and quite the adjustment. I think my body is going through the WTF stage, like "WTF is going on!?" I am still eating meat but just significantly less. I'm just trying to figure it out and tweak it to hopefully become a lifestyle change.

I tried working out for almost a year and nothing changed that much, so this time I'm trying a different approach with my diet. I hope to eventually get back into working out, but as of now I'm gonna try changing my eating habits. So far, my mind seems to be ready for it. It's the execution that requires more work.

I am still feeling like I'm out of reality. Things happen and I feel like I am on auto-drive and not fully in control. It's almost like I have to remind myself that this is reality. I met with some friends last night and spoke about my depression. It's so hard to explain it. It's not a matter of fixing it it's just something I feel that I can't explain and not sure why. If it can be fixed easily it would have been "fixed" by now. All I can say is that it doesn't make sense and it probably never will because no one can ever know you unless they are you.

I was thinking maybe I wasn't as depressed as the doctor diagnosed me to be, but I guess when trying to explain it last night perhaps I am.

I feel like I am doing too much all at once. I KNOW I am doing too much. I never gave myself a chance to "stabilize" before trying something else to try and get better. It's just as confusing as it sounds. How would I even know when and what stabilizing looks like anyways? I hate not being able to pinpoint or figure out what is getting me depressed...I wish it was an easy fix but there are just too many layers to it.

Anyways, I have a few projects that are coming up. There is a poster contest at work that I am working on submitting a design for and a co-worker getting married soon. I am planning to gift her a photo frame but adding a special drawing in the middle where she can use it as she wants (or throw it away). I hope she will like it. I will be using my stick figures for it. It helps so much because I don't have to adjust it to their likeness or be afraid to offend her. My stick figures are always thin and no skin color. As for my poster submission, I'm still working on it. I don't have any ideas that jump out at me yet...The deadline is 8/24...