Slowly But Surely

I am still feeling the withdrawal effects from weaning off the antidepressant. Slowly but surely...

Looking back on my experience with seeking professional help, I feel as though this society is too quick to turn to drugs. It was my cry for help and based on a standard assessment I was diagnosed instantly with severe depression. I was in such a vulnerable state that I was willing to try anything. I didn't like how medicine was the primary treatment and then therapy was secondary. I am not entirely sure what "severe" depression feels like but I question if it was as bad as they made it seem. There's such a wide spectrum that I don't think one assessment would be able to identify it.

The whole process in itself is so...you guessed it.....

D E P R E S S I N G!!!!

You don't know who you are going to get. When you are depressed isn't giving up easily a sign of depression? You seek help through your insurance (because who wants to pay so much money to help yourself? That's depressing), you do not connect (also depressing), you search for someone else (depressing going through names and profiles), rinse and repeat. When you do find a possible connection then you have to schedule more appointments for them to know you and pay more money... This just seems so crazy to me. If I was on the low end of the depression spectrum that would've bumped me up a couple of levels.

It took me about 7 months to finally see that. I got up to 200 mg before I tried to self-wean.When you are desperate and don't know what you are doing you'd do anything to be "normal" again. I am feeling better these days...almost more hyper. Not sure why but I am hoping it's because I found my outlet and joy again. I hope I can do it and learn how to cope with it. Wish me luck!