I have always been creative and artistic but as of late, I have lost myself. I used to find such joy and satisfaction when immersing myself in projects, from creating game boards, paper doll, scrapbooks, cake decorating, and even my own centerpieces and favors for my own wedding. After having my first son, I was busy with him but I still managed to find an artistic outlet - video editing. About a little over 5 years, we were blessed with my second son. It was such a blur with my first son so it almost felt like starting all over with my second son. I was a different person when I had my first son and a different person when I had my second son and a different person now.
Somewhere along the way, I had lost myself. I had lost my artistic outlet and I am dealing with depression. I love my boys, my life, and I am so blessed with everything I have but there was just something that was always holding me back, telling me I am not good enough. I feel a sense of guilt that I wasn't doing enough and in reality I wasn't because I didn't want to. Essentially, I was beating myself up for not doing enough when I don't even want to...if that makes any sense.
December 2016 was when I recognized that I needed help but oddly enough at the same time my creative streak began to spark again. This was all thanks to a gingerbread contest that my office signed up for. Our theme was
Trolls, the cute animated Dreamworks movie, which interestingly enough none of us even seen the movie. In a moment of confidence (which is rare), I volunteered myself to help mold Poppy out of fondant. I had told the team that I would work on the mold during the weekend and of course that didn't happen because I didn't really want to. I did develop a plan, but I just didn't execute it. When we regrouped I began my Poppy mold and it turned out to be pretty good. That was the moment that ignited my creative juices again.
After that, my first creative project was a bullet journal. I was introduced to the bullet journal by my friends. It's pretty much like a DIY be-all journal, scheduler, calendar, tracker, whatever you want! That was right up my alley. I had so much fun with it. The concept of it was so straightforward. I had to create each page: an outline of each week. Simple! All I had to do was get creative with how I organized each week. Making it fun for myself to continue and getting creative with the layout, lettering, colors. I've kept the journal going but it has now been overrun by my doodles and drawings.
During this time, I am taking antidepressants and seeing a psychiatrist. First time ever seeking professional help and also on medication. It's been about 7 months now but I don't feel like it's been helping. I feel different but almost in a out-of-body way. I would say and act in ways I felt that I am not myself. I am weening myself off of it and I am hoping I can overcome my depression and change the way I think and react to things. It's not an easy task but I really feel like my creative outlet has been helping a lot. I started with my fascination in anime. The big soulful eyes really drew my attention. I started copy art that already existed and started looking into the anatomy of it. I am still learning but that's when the inception of the Adventures of Super Bacon and Curly Fry came about.
It is a long title for sure but it is based on my boys, currently age 7 and 2. My 7 year old chose his own super hero name and obviously he loves bacon. My 2 year old had curly hair as a baby and unfortunately they did not stay but he is our little Curly Fry. Seeing the two of them growing and interacting with each other brings me such joy. Seeing how fast my 7 year old grew up, I am just trying to savor every moment of my 2 year old and 7 year old. They are both so silly and together cuteness-silly overload.
I have never been one to carry out a project long term so this is a challenge to me. Sticking to something and trying to possibly bring it to the next level? I am still working on my depression so I am hoping this journey will help build my confidence and motivation.
